The Hambits

Wednesday night I ventured out for dinner alone with both kids. We went to Perkins right around the corner from our house - it was going to be faster than cooking. They seemed in relatively good moods so I thought it would be manageable.

Mack, now 16 months old, was tossing his crayons and paper off the table. DD and I played the games on the kids menu/coloring book Perkins provides, fending off Mack the whole time. So it's chaos, but manageable chaos. Then the food comes out - here's what's next. Mack grabs a silver dollar pancake and tries to shove it in his mouth whole. DD is in hysterics as I try to grab his plate and cut the pancakes into edible bite sizes that don't pose a choking hazard. Next, cut DD's pancakes and allow her to pour the syrup because she's begging, "I'm old enough I can do it." The heavy handed pour overloads her plate with syrup. I grab the syrup bottle and DD says, "yum!"

I look at the eggs benedict I decided to order and start to cut. Mack decides he's done sitting in his seat and he's done with pancakes. I take him out of the high chair before he hurts himself and he empties the sugar packets out of the container and proceeds to pick up and bite every creamer in the bowl. DD is, again, dying with laughter. (I was afraid she would be the target for exploding creamers but none of them broke.) As I attempted to cut into my dinner, the waitress came over to take Mack's plate away and she asked if the kids wanted balloons - to which DD replied, "yes please, pink for me and blue for Mack."

DD finishes dinner just before the balloons arrive. Now both kids have balloons - Mack's first. He holds it close to himself and it bops him in the head. He laughs...does it again...DD laughs....he does it again. This goes on and on until their laughter becomes "outdoor voice" loud - they were shushed. Our table was a mess. And The Restaurant Gods reminded me of another time...another place...in my not so recent past...

In high school and during college breaks I was a waitress/buffet girl/cashier/prep cook at Ponderosa. It was in the waitressing mode on Sunday's when I used to decry a family we called "The Hambits." The Hambits Family would come in with their two kids and feed the baby spaghetti and ham bits from the buffet. The baby would make a huge mess and leave a pile of spaghetti and ham bits in his wake. Everyone hated waiting on them because of the mess (and they didn't tip in relation to the mess!) I am, now, The Hambits Family! Maybe it's Karma. Maybe it's just that royal, "Don't judge lest ye be judged" thing. Or perhaps there's some sort of "don't throw stones at people in glass houses because you might live in one some day" type thing. Regardless, I did feel a little karmic revenge taking place.

PS - I shared this with the waitress (because I'm partly crazy) and she said the kids were polite and not that messy. Maybe she was just jonesing for a good tip but it made me feel better.